Monday, 19 September 2011
Saturday, 20 August 2011
Ethan's Fan Fiction Final
Battle: New York.
The day they came.
June 26, 2011 5:45am
Everything in New York was as normal, the streets outside are dark and empty awaiting the sunrise. Apartment lights turning on one by one a few minutes apart. This is just like any other day for Greg, waking up at 5:45 am, which is 10 minutes longer than he should have slept. He is not a very good morning person and the simplest of tasks seemed to be almost impossible until he had coffee running through his veins. Mornings were always rushed as he got ready in order to get to work on time. He worked at a small café in the heart of the city, which was slowly draining the life out of him every day he worked there. It was hardly a job he enjoyed but it covered his bills while he was waiting to be re-assigned a job in the army.
As time was quickly passing by, Greg was now in a rush to get out the door before 6:45am in order to beat the rush hour traffic. As he left his apartment he was still finishing off his toast and had not completed buttoning up his shirt.
Once he made it out of the apartment block and onto the street, he hailed down a taxi with a high-pitched whistle and jumped in. It was not long before they had reached a traffic jam and the cars had come to a halt, so Greg paid his cab fare and jumped out and started walking down the road. While he was walking down the street he noticed that all the people walking past seemed to be in the same situation that he was, they all looked as though they were depressed and life was not getting any better for them. As he continued walking down the street past the sad and depressed faces to his work, he noticed a crowd of people gathering around a TV store window. He slowly walked over to see what the fuss was about and noticed a ‘Breaking News’ report being played on the TV. Trying to look past the numerous heads, he gets a slight glimpse of the screen and notices ‘The U.S Bank Tower’ in downtown Los Angeles had been hit by what was believed to be a large Meteorite. A minute later, reports were coming in that the whole West Coast had been hit by a meteor shower. Buildings all across the state of California had struck by these meteors. For a moment he thought it was just an advertisement for a film to be released, everything seemed so surreal, he could not imagine something this extreme ever happening. But before he could finish his train of thought, there was a large BANG, which sounded like a bomb blast. He looked down the street to notice the road split in half and a trail of destruction leading to the bottom floor of an office building.
Adrenaline was rushing through Greg’s body as he rushed through the stampede of people towards the blast area; He just had to see what had happened with his own eyes. As he got closer and closer he became to notice what had happened and how much damage it had caused. It was one of the Meteors, like in Los Angeles he thought to himself. The damage to the building is immense, people of all ethnicities leaving the building looking like ghosts as they were covered in white concrete dust and coughing their lungs out. Burning paper documents drift down from the sky and litter the street. Moments later four more meteors roar overhead, past the high buildings, leaving a trails or smoke and flames. Seconds later a slight tremor rips through the ground, then another and another.
All of a sudden there was a loud screeching noise (like metal rubbing against metal), then another small explosion out the side of the building where the first meteor had hit, out of the dust appeared a large machine like object. This object did not look very human like and almost looked like a robot. As it slowly emerged out of the dust, its detail became a lot clearer. It was completely made out of mechanical metal parts that seemed to be working in some way and what looked like a short tank barrel at the front. It was a bit bigger than a small truck and seemed to be floating above ground. Suddenly it fired, once, and then twice, destroying vehicles and hurling them down the street. By this time widespread panic had spread and people including Greg were running for their lives. The sound of more shots, rip through the air, explosions are happening all down the street destroying cars, buildings and killing people. The screams of the people is now becoming deafening. Suddenly there is a blast, the sound of another gunshot, but this time it was coming from the direction everyone was running to. Everyone in the street pause for a second as they register what is happening. It was the U.S army and they had fired upon the alien vehicle. Their shot echoed through the streets and was a direct hit on the target. The alien vehicle was badly damaged but not destroyed. It starts to lose control smashing into anything in its path and coming to a halt after crashing into a bus.
As the crowds stopped running and the sound of screams had turned into cheers, everything seemed like it was going in the peoples favor, then suddenly there was another blast, this time it did not come from the tank, but another alien vehicle two blocks down. The shot completely destroyed the tank spreading shrapnel in every direction. There was a moment of silence as the people register what had happened before running for their lives again. As people were fleeing the area Greg noticed an army rifle rested in the gutter under a steel panel from the tank. He rushed over to pick up the gun checking that it was still intact. It was a bit scratched but did not seem to have any serious damage to it. After checking the gun was in working order he headed off in search of more U.S marines to help fight in the battle against the invasion.
Tuesday, 16 August 2011
Alysse's Final fanfiction
The Lovely Bones, Fan Fiction.
Footsteps silently crept behind me.
I turned around suddenly but no one was there.
The silent footsteps began to feel closer and closer. I started running.
I woke up in a daze. It was dark. Cold. Damp.
Almost silent, but a slight whistle of wind and a faint whimper of breath.
"Who's there? Where am I?"
No response but a deep inhaling sigh, and a loud creek of an old wooden door.
I asked again. Again, until a match was struck and a flicker of light spread from the top of a ladder to be in what looked like a cave.
"Hello?"
Had who ever that was following me finally caught up?
Slowly I moved, I stood up and looked into the direction of where the flicker of light had come from. I froze. There were two eyes staring back into mine.
Gently a dark silhouette emerged from the top of the ladder. Smiling he carefully climbed down into the cave I thought I must be in. He gently walked over to me as if I was fragile. He laughed.
Feeling isolated and lonely I asked myself again, "Who is this man?"
As he laughed, he became closer until I could see every detail on his pulsating face. He looked pleased with himself. Succeeded.
I backed off slowly.
He asked my name. I did not reply.
"Mr Harvey it is, I live across the street from you."
"You’re the Salmon girl?"
"Susie Salmon."
Sickness grew as I watched him. He looked confident. His body language was calm, his expressions showed no remorse.
Around me was what looked to be the earth? Dug deep into the ground. The walls were dense, mud, supported by handmade wooden pillars. Slow drips of water leaked from the celling. Children's teddy bears and china dolls lined the walls. Pictures and candles, toys and books. Had a child made this?
I ran my finger over each individual picture. As I moved slowly between each wall I carefully ran my finger over my mothers face.
"I wanted to show you what I built Susie. I built it for all the kids in the neighborhood, as a secret den. You’re the first to see it.”
Ignoring him, I realised what I had just come across, my mother. His face dropped as I starred straight into his eyes.
He grabbed me as I scuttled up the ladder, pulling my leg and slipping, hitting my head on the last step. As I got up I slipped again in a puddle from the leaking roof. I couldn’t stand up.
Panicking in and out of consciousness, Mr Harvey bent down next to me. He comforted me. Putting his cold shaking hand on my shoulder he began to whisper. So close I could feel his icy breath shiver down the side of my neck. He wanted to tell me something but I didn’t want to listen. “Abigail” He continued as I tuned in and out.
“Abigail” he faintly whispered again and again until he caught my attention.
He was saying my mothers name until I came to, I then remembered the photograph I had ran my fingers over. I pulled myself off the hard mud ground and ran over to where I had seen the picture.
Turning around I looked at Mr Harvey I didn’t have to question. A feeling of guilt struck through my body like a bolt of lightening.
“YOU!”
I screamed, running towards him raging with anger. Suddenly the hideout became claustrophobic. The walls felt as if they were concaving in towards me. The ceiling seemed to have given in letting the rain pour straight from the sky. As I lifted my arm in aim of Mr Harvey, I froze.
I knew I wasn’t alone. The atmosphere transpired and became peaceful.
“Mum?”
“Susie. Run or he will hurt you.”
Susie’s first smile, first laugh. Her first step and her first fall. Susie’s first words made me laugh as I remembered. Every memory and every moment I spent with her were flooding back as if we were re-living every memory.
As I gazed over I wondered how everything was so wrong. This was all too familiar. Mr Harvey, alone with no one else but his prey. How had he captured Susie the way he had captured me.
I knew they could both feel my presence.
As I lifted my arm for the second time, power grew within me. Mr Harvey put up his hands and as he did this, I knew I was not alone. I took a swing and in the split of a second, silence.
The silence was not creepy, not like before. The silence felt comforting and warm. I looked down to see Mr Harvey lying on the floor in a pool of blood. With the warm silence growing around me I knew then that I had killed the murderer of my mother, Abigail.
Lorraine's Fan Fiction Final
The House at Pooh Corner
Chapter X Title exclude the words 'and we leave them there.'
Final paragraph: end with 'So they went off together.'
Chapter X Title exclude the words 'and we leave them there.'
Final paragraph: end with 'So they went off together.'
Chapter X1
In which Pooh has a Feeling That Something Will Happen
Pooh said to himself when he got up that Something Will Happen.
He went over to his cupboard and looked deep inside. Yes, his Honey Pots were there, not saying Good Morning. They were waiting, he decided, until after 11 o'clock. It was breakfast time. He decided to go and see Piglet for breakfast.
He went over to his cupboard and looked deep inside. Yes, his Honey Pots were there, not saying Good Morning. They were waiting, he decided, until after 11 o'clock. It was breakfast time. He decided to go and see Piglet for breakfast.
Piglet was feeling peckish. He had gone to visit Kanga in case Roo did not want his breakfast. Then Kanga would give it to him, whatever it was.
When Pooh saw No Body was at home, he sat and thought about the Feeling that Something Will Happen. This is what he sung, waiting for Piglet:
Where is Piglet? Where is breakfast?
There's no-one here.
I must be the last.
I am so hungry. I am waiting.
There is a Feeling.
Something is grating.
Happenings must happen
To me and to us
Something is flapping!
"Oh! It's you Piglet. Why are your ears flapping?"
"Because I’ve just finished Roo’s breakfast. Have you had breakfast, Pooh?"
Where is Piglet? Where is breakfast?
There's no-one here.
I must be the last.
I am so hungry. I am waiting.
There is a Feeling.
Something is grating.
Happenings must happen
To me and to us
Something is flapping!
"Oh! It's you Piglet. Why are your ears flapping?"
"Because I’ve just finished Roo’s breakfast. Have you had breakfast, Pooh?"
Pooh did not think so because his stomach would be telling him.
"We'll go and see Rabbit, Piglet. Because Rabbit knows."
What Rabbit knew, Piglet wasn't sure. He pointed his ears up to look Tall and Important. He wanted to look Tall and Important when he went to see Rabbit.
They found Rabbit making a munching noise.
"What's your breakfast, Rabbit?" asked Pooh.
"Carrots today, Pooh. Lettuce tomorrow, Turnips on Friday. I keep to a Routine."
Piglet thought that a routine must be very exciting. He decided to make one immediately.
"Rabbit, can you make me one too?" he asked.
"What is it you want, Piglet?" He bent down to Piglet.
"We'll go and see Rabbit, Piglet. Because Rabbit knows."
What Rabbit knew, Piglet wasn't sure. He pointed his ears up to look Tall and Important. He wanted to look Tall and Important when he went to see Rabbit.
They found Rabbit making a munching noise.
"What's your breakfast, Rabbit?" asked Pooh.
"Carrots today, Pooh. Lettuce tomorrow, Turnips on Friday. I keep to a Routine."
Piglet thought that a routine must be very exciting. He decided to make one immediately.
"Rabbit, can you make me one too?" he asked.
"What is it you want, Piglet?" He bent down to Piglet.
"A routine, Rabbit. I'd love a routine too."
Further talk about routines was interrupted by Pooh, who remembered his Feeling that Something Will Happen. He said in a very loud voice that he had A Feeling. No, it was not a Breakfast Feeling, for Rabbit was sure that's what it was.
"Then it must be a honey feeling, Pooh."
Pooh knew about honey feelings and that this was not one.
"I know," he said. "It's about Christopher Robin, who had Gone Away. And he will Grow Up and Up and Up and won't see us."
"Not see us?" Rabbit put his ears up too. "Of course he will see us."
Piglet's ears fell down. "Pooh, will we grow Up and Up and Up too?" he asked.
"That's another reason we came to see Rabbit, who knows Important Things," he said.
Rabbit felt that this was the Best Morning Ever. He could take control and go to the enchanted forest, where Owl was, and Eeyore was and maybe Kanga. Roo would be playing, Tigger would bounce in and out of the shadows. He offered Pooh a special Honey Cake he had been saving for such an occasion and Piglet a Milo with milk, his favourite drink.
Further talk about routines was interrupted by Pooh, who remembered his Feeling that Something Will Happen. He said in a very loud voice that he had A Feeling. No, it was not a Breakfast Feeling, for Rabbit was sure that's what it was.
"Then it must be a honey feeling, Pooh."
Pooh knew about honey feelings and that this was not one.
"I know," he said. "It's about Christopher Robin, who had Gone Away. And he will Grow Up and Up and Up and won't see us."
"Not see us?" Rabbit put his ears up too. "Of course he will see us."
Piglet's ears fell down. "Pooh, will we grow Up and Up and Up too?" he asked.
"That's another reason we came to see Rabbit, who knows Important Things," he said.
Rabbit felt that this was the Best Morning Ever. He could take control and go to the enchanted forest, where Owl was, and Eeyore was and maybe Kanga. Roo would be playing, Tigger would bounce in and out of the shadows. He offered Pooh a special Honey Cake he had been saving for such an occasion and Piglet a Milo with milk, his favourite drink.
Everyone sat in a circle in the middle of the forest. Rabbit's friends and Relations had come, including Small. (You'll remember Small? Pooh found him.)
Rabbit stood and said that Pooh had a Feeling and saw Piglet and they came to see him. "Now, Pooh, tell everyone what it is."
Pooh said his Feeling was about Christopher Robin, who had gone away. He would grow Up and Up and Up and not see us anymore. No-one said anything.
Tigger stood up and coughed. "We will grow up too (cough, cough). We will be Up with him."
Rabbit did not think so. How Up could one go? Pooh did not think so. He was Up enough. Piglet and Roo decided not to go Up at all. Kanga agreed. Owl said he could fly Up and Up. Small tried being Up but only managed one side, legs in the air and it looked very odd, him seeing sideways. Rabbit told him to keep being small and right way up because he might need to find him. This idea of being found (again) overwhelmed him and he put all his legs on the ground straight away.
Eeyore chewed on his Thistle. He liked the taste and the prickles on his tongue. He said, "I know about this. Once a Grown Up looked down at me. So I can say with authority, with authority Rabbit, that when Christopher Robin grows Up, he will see us. We will look Up and see him too. It will be easy."
Pooh said his Feeling was about Christopher Robin, who had gone away. He would grow Up and Up and Up and not see us anymore. No-one said anything.
Tigger stood up and coughed. "We will grow up too (cough, cough). We will be Up with him."
Rabbit did not think so. How Up could one go? Pooh did not think so. He was Up enough. Piglet and Roo decided not to go Up at all. Kanga agreed. Owl said he could fly Up and Up. Small tried being Up but only managed one side, legs in the air and it looked very odd, him seeing sideways. Rabbit told him to keep being small and right way up because he might need to find him. This idea of being found (again) overwhelmed him and he put all his legs on the ground straight away.
Eeyore chewed on his Thistle. He liked the taste and the prickles on his tongue. He said, "I know about this. Once a Grown Up looked down at me. So I can say with authority, with authority Rabbit, that when Christopher Robin grows Up, he will see us. We will look Up and see him too. It will be easy."
The thought of Looking Up to see an Up Christopher Robin, it being easy, made everyone immediately practice Looking Up.
Rabbit asserted himself. "Thank you Eeyore. We will Look Forward to Looking Up.”
Piglet whispered to Pooh, "Pooh, we can go on Looking Up Forever."
"Thank you Piglet. I shall go home. It is nearly eleven and when I get there I will look in my Honey cupboard. I did that once today and I need to do it again."
So off they went, into history.
Rabbit asserted himself. "Thank you Eeyore. We will Look Forward to Looking Up.”
Piglet whispered to Pooh, "Pooh, we can go on Looking Up Forever."
"Thank you Piglet. I shall go home. It is nearly eleven and when I get there I will look in my Honey cupboard. I did that once today and I need to do it again."
So off they went, into history.
Tuesday, 9 August 2011
Tom's final fanfiction
Regression...
2009
There's this strange recurrent daydream or vision that I simply can't shake and at the same time, it's unclear exactly what I see. It usually happens when I'm near the house next to where I grew up. As if I'd lived there before, I keep getting this feeling; a strange déjà vu draws me closer.
Working with me is my therapist who often listens to these visions and déjà vu. He's recommended hypnotherapy to attempt to determine the root cause of all this, so here we are, I'm about to embark on my regression. ‘Close your eyes and try to relax, take a deep breath and let it out slowly. Concentrate on your breathing and imagine a brilliant white light above you, focussing on this light as it flows through your body. Allow yourself to drift off as you fall deeper and deeper into a more relaxed state of mind...’
1929
Like a dream, I step into the light and immediately recognise the neighbourhood I grew up in although there's plenty of unfamiliar sights and faces. I check out a paper at a newsstand to get my bearings and almost choke seeing the date. Could what I thought was a dream just possibly be a form of memory? Back at the house, through the window I see a man and woman talking and laughing together before disappearing upstairs, so I move on, but, at least now I have the first piece of the puzzle. They look vaguely familiar but I need to find out more.
Later in the day, a man arrives at the house. I'd been doing a little research and reconnaissance about the area and headed back to again. This time it's a different man, he appears to be the man of the house and while cordial, almost friendly, I could see there was a clear tension between the two. Was he even aware of the affair? If so, had it ever been mentioned? The scenario before me versus what went on previously has left little to the imagination.
2009
Coming back to the present with more questions than answers, I go to the house to see what I find. As I walk up the path there's a sudden chill and I pull my jacket a little closer. The house has been empty for some time and was easy to get into. Moving up the stairs I find the master bedroom, the atmosphere is still eerie but curiosity now had the better of me and I wanted answers badly. Looking in the mirror brings the biggest shock of them all. Instead of seeing my own reflection, I see the husband staring back at me, the door closes suddenly and a man’s voice shakes me from my vision. ‘I wondered when you might show up again.’ He said.
It's the old man who lives over the road. He invited me back to his house and told me a story about a couple who lived in the house ages back when he was very young, a young woman married to a high profile lawyer who was alcoholic and a gambler. Outwardly, they looked the picturesque couple however, behind the scenes there was almost constant turmoil and she was indeed having an affair with his brother, a local cop. One day there was report of an apparent murder-suicide when the woman met with her husband in an out-of-the-way alley before dinner. The only witness was a local cop, who happened to be the man she'd been having an affair with (I knew from the description matching the first man I had seen at the house). Since there was a note, although widely talked about in the community, it was generally accepted at face value, but, it was never totally clear who shot who first or why. With some pieces falling into place and fresh leads to take up, I had to go back.
1929
This time I walk into a new scene. It's dark and there's a lot happening around me but, I catch the couple disappearing off to one side. Following them, I watch from the shadows watching as they chat quietly and embrace. Now I start to understand what's happening but before they're finished, there's a shot from out of the shadows to one side. The woman screams and I drop dead. More shots fired, she falls next to me then a man walks out with gloved hands and places the gun in my hands placing a note in my pocket. Horrified at the events unfolding in front of me, I've just witnessed my own murder and the image in the mirror finally makes sense. How did I not see this coming? The man I trusted most, my own brother killed me and my wife after evidently realising she was never going to leave me for him and now I'm reliving this all over again.
1929 & 2009
I'm shocked by the revelation, but maybe I can learn to live with the memories that reside within me. At least now I understand what happened and why I’m affected. As I walk away I start to hear music, the tune is old but also familiar and I hear a voice speaking to me. ‘Open your eyes Nicholas’. I open my eyes back in the suite. ‘What?!’ Across the room, I see my therapist with a glass of whiskey in one hand and a gun in the other...
Tuesday, 26 July 2011
Lorraine's Fan Fiction Links
Water For Elephants Oneshot
that kiwi chick
The tale continues. Rosie the elephant is the focus of this story. Jacob is caring for her, interpreting her actions and enjoying his 'escape' from the rest home. Marlena is heavily pregnant. There is a whisper of a presence of August, a shiver. Life has become bearable for the central characters. Rosie is depicted as a contented, playful animal, for which she did not have opportunity to demonstrate in her circus life.
I feel the author could have set the scene in an introductory paragraph, giving the actions a time or place. The back story could be introduced by simply bringing in a character thought or word. A day in the life of is a great way to write, given that the reader knows where he or she is. A look into the baby's forthcoming birth would give further poignancy. Maybe Jacob would ask Marlene what she thinks will be the baby's name? By answering Rosie if a girl or Ross if a boy, there we would have the central action of Water for Elephants brought forward. Jacob's happiness at 90 would be complete.
Shithappenz
The blog opens with a series of conversations or posts, retrospective in time. The tiredness and writer's block experienced through the days from the 17th July to 25th July read as natural and true. There are comments of life as well, such as 'If life gives you lemons, make apple juice.' ...but you need to be smart to work that one out, the writer asserts.
Further down the is poem Falling. We learn that the blogger is Jacob. It is written in the first person, giving an interpretation on life's experiences to a third person, you. Falling is metaphoric, like falling from grace, not falling flat on one's face literally. No broken bones, but a broken spirit; no kiss it better but a loss of faith in humanity. With 'no-one waiting at the end of the line' the poet lays bare the consequences of life's choices and paths. 'It's the way the world works. Too much power and too many crooks.' There are no specific behaviours mentioned, the falling is the experience not only for one, but through to all. The rescue remedy of love after 'we have hit this point', comes in the final lines. Rhyme is used - a pattern I observe is in the first lines: a a b a b b c c d d.
Lacie in Wonderland
M30WHelloKellyM30W
The First Post Alice
Taking place in the time prior to classes start, Lacie interacts with four males and her mother. In the home, she refuses the offer from her mother, of a sixteenth birthday party as well as most of the prepared breakfast. Carrying her copy of Alice in Wonderland (which she is attempting to read) to the school, she gets herself seated to be interrupted by Blaise, Peter and Shawn. They all comment on the book and give varying explanations, like Lacie is an anagram of Alice, and that the school's forthcoming play is Alice in Wonderland and she would make the star part. Each boy is not encouraged in his offer of friendship. Her sighting of Jack, whom she loves, before entering her classroom, excites her and she would reach out to him, except for his girlfriend's appearance, which puts an immediate stop to her hopes.
I interpret this story, in the abstract, as one of repeated rejections until Lacie's desire is before her, only to have the experience of rejection herself. The time line is short, a wonderland of lost opportunity, dashed hopes and the changes these bring. Using the grin by Blaise as one similar to the Cheshire cat in Alice's story and with the presence of the actual book throughout, Lacie's conversations and desire to keep reading, keep the book as the connecting thread.
The Second Post The Night
Beginning with rhyme, The Night is unfinished. It could become an Alice in Wonderland character, with Lacie coming in for more experiences to relate. The poem could be set out line by line for greater emphasis. It is an intriguing beginning.
Humpty Dumpty Tales Philosophy
Coke-48-Kenshin
The nursery rhymes, set in their language and style, are used in this well written story, to give the characters other reasons behind the original scene to act as they do. Humpty Dumpty always falls off the wall. Jack Be Nimble, who in the rhyme jumps over the candlestick, jumps over Humpty, causing him to fall off again and again, every day. The events are told by Humpty, and circle back to the next day, repeating the actions and words all over again. Placing motive behind Humpty Dumpty's actions on and off the wall, describing him with blue eyes, a face, arms, legs and hair, creates the philosophy and reason for the event. Time is shown by the day, each day exactly the same. Humpty's fall, before all the King's Horses and all the King's men, when the clouds stop, brings the story in to the living rhyme, which is the writer's idea. The rhymes have the life, the characters play their prescribed parts.
It is fun to read about Little Bo Peep and Little Boy Blue, to have Hey Diddle Diddle explained, and to realise Mother Goose must not know. Looking in to the rhymes for the one day gives the story colour, life and meaning for the reader to enjoy. We can sympathise with Humpty, another day in the life of; enjoy the energy of Jack, who does not seem to miss his candle stick at all; understand why farming practices goes awry under Little Bo Peep and Little Boy Blue, and look again at a dog and a cat cuddling up, not laughing or running away with the spoon. It is because we know these Nursery Rhymes that this story is humourous and offers other interpretations for them, as living entities.
Cats and Dogs
by Monsterhigh Rox
Cats and Dogs is highlighted as a Murder Mystery, with a Romantic twist. It reads as a Romantic story, with a murder to solve. Colin is a werewolf in human form, Ruth a cat as a human. The mix of these opposites, placed in London, Ontario, not UK, gives the dialogues tension. The inner thoughts of the characters as they travel together and stay with Colin's family as the romance develops are well written and give a greater meaning for the reader as these characters find solutions to their problems and the solution to the murder. Ruth meeting Colin's family has the inner dialogue that is recognisable in similar situations. The few paragraphs given to the stabbing and solving of the victim's murder are quick and to the point, as is the romantic interplay.
Crime genre follows prescribed patterns, deductively. So does Romance. Intertwining the two is not unusual. We do see relationships develop between the detectives as a part of the teamwork of crime solving. With this story, there is a need for more cohesion. The reader loses time sequence and has to assume where the plot is at. Conversation is used throughout to convey the messages, making the reader hesitate until it is known where and what is going on. The plot comes with two climaxes, one with Ruth and Colin in bed, the other with the shooting of Colin by the suspect. Intuition by Colin's aunt gives direction with the romance, the murder and the forthcoming baby. Time spent by the writer on time, setting development and descriptions, with a slower pace would be easier on the reader.
that kiwi chick
The tale continues. Rosie the elephant is the focus of this story. Jacob is caring for her, interpreting her actions and enjoying his 'escape' from the rest home. Marlena is heavily pregnant. There is a whisper of a presence of August, a shiver. Life has become bearable for the central characters. Rosie is depicted as a contented, playful animal, for which she did not have opportunity to demonstrate in her circus life.
I feel the author could have set the scene in an introductory paragraph, giving the actions a time or place. The back story could be introduced by simply bringing in a character thought or word. A day in the life of is a great way to write, given that the reader knows where he or she is. A look into the baby's forthcoming birth would give further poignancy. Maybe Jacob would ask Marlene what she thinks will be the baby's name? By answering Rosie if a girl or Ross if a boy, there we would have the central action of Water for Elephants brought forward. Jacob's happiness at 90 would be complete.
Shithappenz
The blog opens with a series of conversations or posts, retrospective in time. The tiredness and writer's block experienced through the days from the 17th July to 25th July read as natural and true. There are comments of life as well, such as 'If life gives you lemons, make apple juice.' ...but you need to be smart to work that one out, the writer asserts.
Further down the is poem Falling. We learn that the blogger is Jacob. It is written in the first person, giving an interpretation on life's experiences to a third person, you. Falling is metaphoric, like falling from grace, not falling flat on one's face literally. No broken bones, but a broken spirit; no kiss it better but a loss of faith in humanity. With 'no-one waiting at the end of the line' the poet lays bare the consequences of life's choices and paths. 'It's the way the world works. Too much power and too many crooks.' There are no specific behaviours mentioned, the falling is the experience not only for one, but through to all. The rescue remedy of love after 'we have hit this point', comes in the final lines. Rhyme is used - a pattern I observe is in the first lines: a a b a b b c c d d.
I like this poem. For me it speaks of the feeling experienced when we do fall after an event causing emotional pain comes into our lives. There is no age limit with Falling, and for the exposition alone, this poem could be cherished. For me, I feel the poet has expressed his feelings and taken them to a new level for others to know. The poem could be cynical, in that human behaviour loves power and possessions ('crook") but if you do not want to Fall, do not go there. There is the heartfelt cry of the one left alone, lost, in free fall. The poet emphasises and opens a window of love to enable the sufferer to once again 'stand tall'.
Lacie in Wonderland
M30WHelloKellyM30W
The First Post Alice
Taking place in the time prior to classes start, Lacie interacts with four males and her mother. In the home, she refuses the offer from her mother, of a sixteenth birthday party as well as most of the prepared breakfast. Carrying her copy of Alice in Wonderland (which she is attempting to read) to the school, she gets herself seated to be interrupted by Blaise, Peter and Shawn. They all comment on the book and give varying explanations, like Lacie is an anagram of Alice, and that the school's forthcoming play is Alice in Wonderland and she would make the star part. Each boy is not encouraged in his offer of friendship. Her sighting of Jack, whom she loves, before entering her classroom, excites her and she would reach out to him, except for his girlfriend's appearance, which puts an immediate stop to her hopes.
I interpret this story, in the abstract, as one of repeated rejections until Lacie's desire is before her, only to have the experience of rejection herself. The time line is short, a wonderland of lost opportunity, dashed hopes and the changes these bring. Using the grin by Blaise as one similar to the Cheshire cat in Alice's story and with the presence of the actual book throughout, Lacie's conversations and desire to keep reading, keep the book as the connecting thread.
The Second Post The Night
Beginning with rhyme, The Night is unfinished. It could become an Alice in Wonderland character, with Lacie coming in for more experiences to relate. The poem could be set out line by line for greater emphasis. It is an intriguing beginning.
Humpty Dumpty Tales Philosophy
Coke-48-Kenshin
The nursery rhymes, set in their language and style, are used in this well written story, to give the characters other reasons behind the original scene to act as they do. Humpty Dumpty always falls off the wall. Jack Be Nimble, who in the rhyme jumps over the candlestick, jumps over Humpty, causing him to fall off again and again, every day. The events are told by Humpty, and circle back to the next day, repeating the actions and words all over again. Placing motive behind Humpty Dumpty's actions on and off the wall, describing him with blue eyes, a face, arms, legs and hair, creates the philosophy and reason for the event. Time is shown by the day, each day exactly the same. Humpty's fall, before all the King's Horses and all the King's men, when the clouds stop, brings the story in to the living rhyme, which is the writer's idea. The rhymes have the life, the characters play their prescribed parts.
It is fun to read about Little Bo Peep and Little Boy Blue, to have Hey Diddle Diddle explained, and to realise Mother Goose must not know. Looking in to the rhymes for the one day gives the story colour, life and meaning for the reader to enjoy. We can sympathise with Humpty, another day in the life of; enjoy the energy of Jack, who does not seem to miss his candle stick at all; understand why farming practices goes awry under Little Bo Peep and Little Boy Blue, and look again at a dog and a cat cuddling up, not laughing or running away with the spoon. It is because we know these Nursery Rhymes that this story is humourous and offers other interpretations for them, as living entities.
Cats and Dogs
by Monsterhigh Rox
Cats and Dogs is highlighted as a Murder Mystery, with a Romantic twist. It reads as a Romantic story, with a murder to solve. Colin is a werewolf in human form, Ruth a cat as a human. The mix of these opposites, placed in London, Ontario, not UK, gives the dialogues tension. The inner thoughts of the characters as they travel together and stay with Colin's family as the romance develops are well written and give a greater meaning for the reader as these characters find solutions to their problems and the solution to the murder. Ruth meeting Colin's family has the inner dialogue that is recognisable in similar situations. The few paragraphs given to the stabbing and solving of the victim's murder are quick and to the point, as is the romantic interplay.
Crime genre follows prescribed patterns, deductively. So does Romance. Intertwining the two is not unusual. We do see relationships develop between the detectives as a part of the teamwork of crime solving. With this story, there is a need for more cohesion. The reader loses time sequence and has to assume where the plot is at. Conversation is used throughout to convey the messages, making the reader hesitate until it is known where and what is going on. The plot comes with two climaxes, one with Ruth and Colin in bed, the other with the shooting of Colin by the suspect. Intuition by Colin's aunt gives direction with the romance, the murder and the forthcoming baby. Time spent by the writer on time, setting development and descriptions, with a slower pace would be easier on the reader.
Friday, 22 July 2011
Lorraine's Fan Fiction
The House at Pooh Corner
Chapter X Title exclude the words 'and we leave them there.'
Final paragraph: end with 'So they went off together.'
Pooh said to himself as he got up in the morning that Something Will Happen.
"Maybe not today. It is a happy morning. But I think. Well, no, I am not sure. Perhaps I'll make sure."
He went over to his cupboard, got up on his stool and looked deep inside. Yes, his Honey Pots were there, not whispering to each other, not even saying Good Morning. They were waiting, he decided. Waiting until after 11 o'clock, maybe a quarter past.
As it was breakfast time, and Pooh had That Feeling, he decided to see Piglet. Piglet will know about breakfast. So off he went to Piglet's house.
Piglet was feeling peckish. He had decided to visit Kanga and try to see if Roo did not want any breakfast. Then Kanga would give it to him, whatever it was. When Pooh saw the No Body was at home, he sat and thought about the feeling.
"Something is Going to Happen. Maybe it is a hungry song. A no Breakfast song. A no Piglet song. Here is what he sung, waiting for Piglet to come:
Where is Piglet? Where is breakfast?
There's no-one here.
I must be the last.
I am so hungry. I am waiting.
There is a Feeling.
Something is grating.
Happenings must happen
To me and to us
Something is flapping.
"Oh! it's you Piglet. Why are your ears flapping?"
"Because I have not had any breakfast, Pooh. Have you?"
Pooh did not think so because his stomach was telling him another story.
"We'll go and see Rabbit, Piglet. That's what we'll do. Because Rabbit knows."
What Rabbit knew, Piglet wasn't sure. His ears stopped flapping, he mader them sit up straight to look very Tall and Important. it was Important to look Tall and Important when you went to see Rabbit.
They found Rabbit making a munching noise.
"I'm eating my breakfast. It is too early to see me, even though I am sitting outside in the sun," said Rabbit.
"What's your breakfast, Rabbit?" asked Pooh.
"Carrots today Pooh. Lettuce tomorrow, Turnips on Friday. I keep to a Routine."
Piglet thought that a routine must be very exciting. Knowing what to do is an Important Aspect of Life. He decided to make one immediately.
"Rabbit. can you make me one too?" he asked.
Rabbit had his mouth full and the crunching noise was louder. Piglet waited and waited and waited.
"What is it you want, Piglet?" He bent down to Piglet.
This was too embarrassing. Piglet stood on tip toe, with his ears still straight up.
"A routine, Rabbit. I'd love a routine too."
Further thought about routines was interrupted by Pooh, who suddenly remembered about the Feeling That Something is Going to Happen. Even with No Breakfast, he grabbed Piglet's hand and said in a very loud voice that he had a Feeling. No it was not a Breakfast Feeling, for Rabbit was sure that's what it was.
"Then it must be a honey feeling, Pooh."
Pooh knew about the honey feeling and that was what this was not.
"I know," he said. "It's about Christopher Robin, who had Gone Away. And he will Grow Up and Up and Up and won't even see us."
"Not see us?" Rabbit put his ears up too. "Of course he will see us."
Piglet's ears fell down.
"Pooh, will we grow Up and Up and Up too?" he asked.
"That's another reason we came to see Rabbit, who knows Important Things, and nearly everything else," he said.
Rabbit felt that this was the Best Morning Ever. He can now take total control and take Pooh and Piglet to the enchanted forest, where Owl was, and Eeyore was and maybe Kanga and Roo would be playing, and Tigger would play in and out of the shadows. He offered Pooh a special Honey Cake he had been saving for such an occasion, and for Piglet a Milo, made of real milk that he would have really liked.
Everyone sat in a circle in the middle of the forest. Even all Rabbit's friends and Relations had come.
Rabbit took charge and said that Pooh had a Feeling and saw Piglet and they came to see him.
Now, Pooh, tell everyone what it is."
Pooh said his feeling was about Christopher Robin, who had gone away. Now he would grow Up and Up and Up and not see us anymore. No-one said anything. The trees let their leaves fill the silence and the branches bounced in the breeze.
Tigger stood up and coughed. "We will grow up too, (cough, cough)."
Eeyore chewed on his Thistle and chewed it again. He liked to taste it again and again.
Then he said, "Everyone, listen to Me. I know about this. Once I had a Grown Up look at me. I can say, with authority, with authority, Rabbit, that when Christopher Robin grows Up, like that, he will see us."
Rabbit had to assert himself. "Thank you Eeyore. We needed to know that. Now we can leave Pooh's Feeling because we know Something Will Happen and we will all see it."
Piglet whispered to Pooh.
"Pooh, this is an enchanted forest and we can go on Forever and Forever."
"Thank you Piglet. I shall go home. It is nearly eleven and when I get there I will look in my Honey cupboard. I did that once today and now I need to do it again.
And so it was, that Christopher Robin Grew Up. Pooh and Piglet and Everyone else would go on and on forever.
Chapter X Title exclude the words 'and we leave them there.'
Final paragraph: end with 'So they went off together.'
Chapter X1
In which Pooh has a Feeling That Something Will Happen
Pooh said to himself as he got up in the morning that Something Will Happen.
"Maybe not today. It is a happy morning. But I think. Well, no, I am not sure. Perhaps I'll make sure."
He went over to his cupboard, got up on his stool and looked deep inside. Yes, his Honey Pots were there, not whispering to each other, not even saying Good Morning. They were waiting, he decided. Waiting until after 11 o'clock, maybe a quarter past.
As it was breakfast time, and Pooh had That Feeling, he decided to see Piglet. Piglet will know about breakfast. So off he went to Piglet's house.
Piglet was feeling peckish. He had decided to visit Kanga and try to see if Roo did not want any breakfast. Then Kanga would give it to him, whatever it was. When Pooh saw the No Body was at home, he sat and thought about the feeling.
"Something is Going to Happen. Maybe it is a hungry song. A no Breakfast song. A no Piglet song. Here is what he sung, waiting for Piglet to come:
Where is Piglet? Where is breakfast?
There's no-one here.
I must be the last.
I am so hungry. I am waiting.
There is a Feeling.
Something is grating.
Happenings must happen
To me and to us
Something is flapping.
"Oh! it's you Piglet. Why are your ears flapping?"
"Because I have not had any breakfast, Pooh. Have you?"
Pooh did not think so because his stomach was telling him another story.
"We'll go and see Rabbit, Piglet. That's what we'll do. Because Rabbit knows."
What Rabbit knew, Piglet wasn't sure. His ears stopped flapping, he mader them sit up straight to look very Tall and Important. it was Important to look Tall and Important when you went to see Rabbit.
They found Rabbit making a munching noise.
"I'm eating my breakfast. It is too early to see me, even though I am sitting outside in the sun," said Rabbit.
"What's your breakfast, Rabbit?" asked Pooh.
"Carrots today Pooh. Lettuce tomorrow, Turnips on Friday. I keep to a Routine."
Piglet thought that a routine must be very exciting. Knowing what to do is an Important Aspect of Life. He decided to make one immediately.
"Rabbit. can you make me one too?" he asked.
Rabbit had his mouth full and the crunching noise was louder. Piglet waited and waited and waited.
"What is it you want, Piglet?" He bent down to Piglet.
This was too embarrassing. Piglet stood on tip toe, with his ears still straight up.
"A routine, Rabbit. I'd love a routine too."
Further thought about routines was interrupted by Pooh, who suddenly remembered about the Feeling That Something is Going to Happen. Even with No Breakfast, he grabbed Piglet's hand and said in a very loud voice that he had a Feeling. No it was not a Breakfast Feeling, for Rabbit was sure that's what it was.
"Then it must be a honey feeling, Pooh."
Pooh knew about the honey feeling and that was what this was not.
"I know," he said. "It's about Christopher Robin, who had Gone Away. And he will Grow Up and Up and Up and won't even see us."
"Not see us?" Rabbit put his ears up too. "Of course he will see us."
Piglet's ears fell down.
"Pooh, will we grow Up and Up and Up too?" he asked.
"That's another reason we came to see Rabbit, who knows Important Things, and nearly everything else," he said.
Rabbit felt that this was the Best Morning Ever. He can now take total control and take Pooh and Piglet to the enchanted forest, where Owl was, and Eeyore was and maybe Kanga and Roo would be playing, and Tigger would play in and out of the shadows. He offered Pooh a special Honey Cake he had been saving for such an occasion, and for Piglet a Milo, made of real milk that he would have really liked.
Everyone sat in a circle in the middle of the forest. Even all Rabbit's friends and Relations had come.
Rabbit took charge and said that Pooh had a Feeling and saw Piglet and they came to see him.
Now, Pooh, tell everyone what it is."
Pooh said his feeling was about Christopher Robin, who had gone away. Now he would grow Up and Up and Up and not see us anymore. No-one said anything. The trees let their leaves fill the silence and the branches bounced in the breeze.
Tigger stood up and coughed. "We will grow up too, (cough, cough)."
Eeyore chewed on his Thistle and chewed it again. He liked to taste it again and again.
Then he said, "Everyone, listen to Me. I know about this. Once I had a Grown Up look at me. I can say, with authority, with authority, Rabbit, that when Christopher Robin grows Up, like that, he will see us."
Rabbit had to assert himself. "Thank you Eeyore. We needed to know that. Now we can leave Pooh's Feeling because we know Something Will Happen and we will all see it."
Piglet whispered to Pooh.
"Pooh, this is an enchanted forest and we can go on Forever and Forever."
"Thank you Piglet. I shall go home. It is nearly eleven and when I get there I will look in my Honey cupboard. I did that once today and now I need to do it again.
And so it was, that Christopher Robin Grew Up. Pooh and Piglet and Everyone else would go on and on forever.
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