Battle: New York.
The day they came.
June 26, 2011 5:45am
Everything in New York was as normal, the streets outside are dark and empty awaiting the sunrise. Apartment lights turning on one by one a few minutes apart. This was a normal day for Greg, waking up at 5:45 am which is 10 minutes longer than he should have slept. He is not a very good morning person and the simplest of tasks seemed to be almost impossible until he had coffee running through his veins. Mornings were always rushed as he got ready in order to get to work on time. He worked at the “The New York Times” newspaper company as an editor which was slowly draining the life out of him every day he worked there. It was hardly a job he enjoyed but he only worked there to cover his bills while he was writing a novel. As time was quickly passing by, Greg was constantly in a rush to get out the door before 6:45am in order to beat the rush hour traffic. As he left his apartment he was still finishing off his toast and had not completed buttoning up his shirt.
Once he made it out of the apartment block and onto the street, he hailed down a taxi with a high pitched whistle and jumped in. It was not long before they had reached a traffic jam and the roads had come to a halt, so Greg paid his cab fare and jumped out and started walking down the road. While he was walking down Times Square he was noticing all the people walking past that seemed to be in the same situation that he was. All looked as though they were depressed and life was not getting any better for them. As Greg made his way down the street past the sad and depressed faces to his work, he noticed a ‘Breaking News’ report being played in a Television shop window. He didn’t take much notice of it until he noticed crowds start gathering around. Trying to look past the numerous heads he gets a slight glimpse of the screen and notices ‘The U.S Bank Tower’ in downtown Los Angeles had been hit by what was believed to be a large Meteorite. A minute later, reports were coming in that the whole west coast had been hit by a meteor shower. Buildings all across the California state had struck by these meteors. For a moment he thought it was just an advertisement for a film to be released, everything seemed so surreal, he could not imagine something this extreme ever happening. But before he could finish his train of thought, there was a large BANG which sounded like a bomb blast. He looked down the street to notice the road split in half and a trail of destruction leading to the bottom floor of an office building.
Adrenaline was rushing through Greg’s body as he rushed through the stampede of people towards the blast area; He just had to see what had happened with his own eyes. As he got closer and closer he became to notice what had happened and how much damage it had caused. It was one of the Meteors, like in Los Angeles, he thought to himself. The damage to the building was immense, people of all ethnicities leaving the building looked like ghosts as they were covered in white concrete dust and coughing their lungs out. Burning paper documents float down from the sky and litters the street. Moments later four more meteors flew overhead, past the high buildings, leaving a trails or smoke and flames. Seconds later a slight tremor rips through the ground, then another and another. All of a sudden there was a loud screeching noise (like metal rubbing against metal), then another small explosion out the side of the building where the first meteor had hit and out of the dust appeared a large machine like object. This object was nothing Greg has ever seen before and it certainly did not look very human like. As it slower emerged out of the dust, its detail became a lot clearer. It was completely made out of mechanical metal parts that seemed to be working in some way and what looked like a short tank barrel at the front. It was a bit bigger than a small truck and seemed to be floating above ground. Suddenly it fired, once, and then twice, destroying vehicles and hurling them down the street. By this time widespread panic had spread and people including Greg were running for their lives. The sound of a few more shots rip through the air, explosions are happening all down the street destroying cars, buildings and even killing people. The screams of the people are becoming deafening as people fear death. Suddenly there is a blast, the sound of another gunshot but this time it was coming from the direction everyone was running to. The people running in the street pause for a second as they register what is happening. It was the U.S army and they had fired at the unknown target. Their shot echoed through the streets and was a direct hit on the target. The unknown target was badly damaged but not destroyed. It started to lose control smashing into anything in its path and coming to a halt after crashing into a bus.
As the sounds of screams had turned into cheers the crowds had stopped running and as everything seem like it was going in the our favor there was another blast, but this time it was not coming from the tank, but another alien vehicle two blocks down. The shot completely destroyed the tank spreading shrapnel in every direction. There was a moment of silence before Greg and the crowds of people began running for their lives again. This invasion was far from over…..

This looks like it is shaping up to be an interesting retake on Battle: LA even to the point of actually taking the invasion scene well away from the usual killing fields of Washington D.C & LA respectively. Can't wait to read th e full version later.
ReplyDeleteGood story, I liked the way you have built the story up starting out to be an ordinary day turning into chaos.
ReplyDeleteI won't comment on spelling and grammer- because I am hopeless at it but I think if you read the story out loud to your self there are a few words that could maybe be taken out - just an idea (this is what I did)
Enjoyed your story though good work :)
Hi Ethan
ReplyDeleteFor me, your story has real urgency, starting with your description of Greg's start to his day. It sets the theme of action and response that focuses on the now.
I agree with Alysse's comment on grammar. eg 'California State had been struck,' and look for 'He' to change case, as you prepare to finalise your fanfic. There are others.
Will Greg's editor work be his saving grace, or has he other skills we are to find out? With him as the protagonist, will the invasion force have an antagonist to be defeated, hopefully?? Or maybe not. Let's see how you bring the story forward, good fun.
After I read your fan fiction I had a dream the world was ending!
ReplyDeleteHaha, it’s nice to see that my story had an effect on you Alysse and thanks guys for the feedback. I will make edits to my final copy to fix grammar and other points you have raised to make my story sound better. :)
ReplyDeletethanks!
It sure did have an effect! Look ford to reading your final fan fiction hope it is coming together nicely :)
ReplyDeletewow i like how its making me imagine a movie of this. The descriptions makes the reader imagine the scenes well and interestingly.
ReplyDelete